This blog is going out on December 31, 2014. Check out the new blog at titled as Drawing From The Well.


One Last Thing

Those that said I would be back are kind of right, but not on this blog. This blog is definitely going out on December 31st of this year. But I don't want it to feel like a complete jolt to me and my followers, so I will be starting a new blog called Drawing From The Well. It will be a blog on health, wellness, spirituality, food, fitness and tips of overcoming mental traps or problems in life. I think that it will be nice, after all these years of giving you the crazy side, to offer some respite, in a positive and encouraging light.
I hope you will tune in to that! As far as my writing goes, I do hope to make most or all of my writing grant writing which once I am trained to do it I will do M-W, and Thurs-Sun I will be doing food demos at Walmarts in Davenport, Maquoketa, and sometimes Clinton, I just got hired through Crossmark to do this type of work. For now I'm staying on disability until I can make money at writing and demos together, or personal training, writing and demos. I have big goals. Hope you'll stay with me.



This will be my last post as a blogger. Print off what you want from my blog because at the end of December of this year, it will be going out. I was a late bloomer to blogging as I was to the internet in general, but I liked that I was able to dispel some myths surrounding myself. I think this blog has done some good things like informing the reader about writing, targeting, schizophrenia, cystic fibrosis, Down syndrome, Catholicism, and some on books and music. I was always trying to keep it new, and reach a level of achievement in which I could grow and challenge myself. I will take some or most of that with me now all of my life. I will not say that I will never write again because you just never know, but likely, I won't. Writing is a very mental thing, and many times, though I never mentioned it on my blog, it hurt my brain to do it. I appreciate my followers and friends that have tuned in to me, been inspired or had a laugh, and even went through my head with me so many times. As always it has mostly been to my teachers and my daughter. I have debated whether I should just keep the blog up for good though I would be abandoning it, and the thought of that made me so sad, to think of all the love, pride and work I put into it and to leave it up would be too risky as well. I will be printing off this blog through blog2print, so it will be contained and in my fire proof file cabinet with my other works. As for now, I will be dancing, or trying to find a cheap space to run, skip, hop, glide, groove, let loose. I will be competing in races again, and pursuing full-time work off of disability as I feel mentally I am well when I am busy. My most favorite accomplishment on my blog has been my Jesus book, and even my daughter said so. But I am also glad I wrote the dark side, and also, the play, Grandma's Life, glad I got a chance to write that. I am mainly leaving because I don't think it will be good next year, I've done all that I wanted to do in writing of lasting value, and I want to spend my time and energy doing other things. I am also thinking of doing crocheting and crafts more regularly. Take whatever you want from the blog, and know that it was a special time. May God bless you in all that you do, think, feel and experience. Thank you for reading my blog.


Thank You

It has been a great 5 year run of creative juices, but I do believe I am going to bow out now. My pain levels, nausea and irritation through the central nervous system are very high, and I'm starting to feel that everybody else has it good and can easily piss it all away, and before I get too jaded, let me just leave while things are good for me as an artist. I only ever did what came naturally to me, and did not try to be any type of artist or really intend to make waves. There are some works I have not finished, and of course, it is always possible to come back, but I really hope that I don't. I believe in the American dream, and I want to successful and earn money and rise out of my situation, and that is what I intend to do next. Thank you for reading my blog.

Side Effects Poem (Drowsiness)

May Cause Drowsiness

A weight behind the eyes drops into sleep
a hundred miles down without a sound.

And waking against the dark is a film of
a spider's web that couldn't catch the fall.

Groggy there is clarity but dead landscape
in the place you rise in and take a stand.

Eye twitching and mouth dry as a leather
glove the words will be work that's unnoticed.

The mind is so quiet that you think you don't
even know yourself as so full of yourself.

You wear sleep like a perfume but it's only how
you've warmed the water in the pit of your stomach.

And carried it the way you do without caving in
or attracting attention morning hanging with clouds.

Moving against blank spaces in the mind that don't
turn any less blue than the sweet ice on a distant day.

Maybe the wearing off of eye shadow or the wearing off
of drowsiness will wake the baby in me and you.

Every cry that lets my guard down and moves out to
take hold of the day lets me know I will move mountains.




A compelling aspect of 1984 is that historically they had the right intentions through strife and war to be dreaming and campaigning for brotherhood, and it was during this time that brotherhood was most believable, but that it became lost the moment is was realized, or actualized, and then became a police state. I often wonder, what happens with John Lennon's Imagine song, this total utopia. More personally, what happens when we cure CF? When we get out of targeting? Sometimes I wonder if ideals are best kept as ideals.


Side Effects Poem (Dangerous Machinery)

Use Care When Operating Dangerous Machinery

Someone is drag racing the moon down the main road
we've all taken toward sleep, lead foot, dead weight,
meds in me working like fast stars down unlit ways out.

Overnight I'm moving cans of paint that will color
my dreams, sealed and unstirred by rulers that measure
the hour against long strokes of unspilled coats of cover.

Every reaction you make toward me is dulled by an
unwritten passage I can't take in writing you in like
an automatic engine that takes time to get used to.

Know the brakes. Know the horn. Know the quick
jolt in sleep and step, the working with chemicals and
starting up the motor down every day working of power.

-by Sheri Grutz


Mice (a poem by Sheri)


-for Beth

by Sheri Grutz

We are cold to their idea of warm,
chewing through walls that house,
killing every chance they get, once

everything starts to seem startling,
even the mice are part of our claim
that we belong here, where every

gray November day moves along
the border of this town, every small
thing we take from it is dead, every

corner of the mind is a trap untripped,
and you want the most pleasant way
to stand apart from the elements and

keep a closeness in the room from the
distance outside, that is how it has
always been with us, killing the

unseen creature that races our nature
with the nature out there, and finding
the most difficult thing is harmony.


A Brief Sketch (The Recital)

The Recital

by Sheri Grutz

STUDENT (male, college-aged, bookish)
DANCER #1 (female, in ballet outfit)
DANCER #2 (female, in modern dance outfit)
DANCER #3 (female, in ripped jeans and white T-shirt)

Lights up on 3 dancers hanging around on stage, and from the left the student walks up to them with a notepad and a pen.

I heard you guys are the talk of the town.

That must be small talk.

Sure they ain't talkin' trash?

Talk is cheap really. You must be the student Marcy keeps talking about.

We exchanged a few words. But now I'd like to put words into action.

Why don't we let our bodies do the talkin'?

See, the thing is, we know it by heart.

By heart?

Yep, there's a language to dance.

And you've mastered it?

You might say that, if you say anything at all. Let's start.

Dancer #3 starts up the music. It's beat box music. She does a type of break dancing up and down from the floor, then relaxes in a pose. Student claps for her. She quickly stops the music.

I know what you said! You said, “Start up my heart like a parade down the street, and don't stop until all the horses have brought out the wilderness in the wild nights!”

(she claps for him) Ha, that's good. Very good.

OK, let's see what you got on me, smartie. (she changes the music. It is pop music with a lot of drums. She does a dance all around the stage, even grinding into the student, then spreads out into a pose on the floor. Student claps for her. She quickly gets up and silences the music.)

I know what you said! You said, “I'm a free spirit that lights up the heart like a flame and even darkness is afraid to touch me and my heat!”

(claps for him, smiles.) That's good. Very good.

Hmm, this is where the talking ends, and the dreaming begins.

I wake to sleep and take it slow...


Never mind. If you can dream it, you can do it. You don't know where your dreams will take you. You've got to dream big.

Actually, I'm wide awake inside dreamland. I've got a house there. I go there every night.

I've seen you there! You've been counting your sheep.

And milkin' the clock with the cows.

That is what you call field of dreams.

(pause. She puts on the next music, it is instrumental, ballet music. She does ballet moves in middle stage, then builds up to jumps, kicks, long movements across the stage. She finishes slowly and carefully into a pose. Student claps for her. She quickly stops the music)

I know this one! I know what you said, you said, “Every heart has a secret that it reveals through the hands of time by going with the wind in your sails and the sun on your back!”

(claps for him, jumps a little) That is good, very good.

All 3 dancers hang out around the student, looking at him.

I guess the groove really is in the heart then, right?

And all that jazz.

You're on the beat, baby.

You're getting the swing of it.

Alright, my turn. (he puts on rock music, does a Van Halen-type of dance while singing the song silently. The 3 girls raise their eyebrows, throw back their heads, giggle. He stops and silences the music. The dancers clap for him.)

Wait a second, I know this one. You said, “My heart is racing like an automobile that zips down the road while the flash of a hundred faces are in the near distance of me touching, feeling.”

(claps for her) Ha, that's good, very good. Alright, now all of us together. (he puts on a cacophony of sounds, then joins the dancers where they all dance wild, flaying arms and legs, jumping, spinning, laughing, kicking. They stop, and one of them silences the music. They all clap)

I've got this one, we said, “My heart goes out of me like the breaking of thunder or the breaking of birds from the tree or the breaking of the school bell when we celebrate being free!”

All the others clap for her. They all give each other high fives, arms flung around each other, talking silently and walk off the stage. Lights out. The end.


Why I'm Mentally Ill

-poor and inconsistent diet in childhood including near starvation while visiting my father

-separation from my mother at age 4 due to her scoliosis, surgery, body cast and recovery

-witnessing domestic violence between my parents


-bullying at age 13

-near starvation and poor living conditions in early 20's before becoming pregnant and going on welfare

-post-partum depression

-stress from disabled children

-electronic torture/trauma

The events that happened in childhood actually changed my DNA, so in fact, I may not have been born sick.

Side Effects Poem (Alcohol)

Alcohol May Intensify The Effects

A thin layer of clouds over the senses
dulls the sun in the season that keeps
a lingering doubt over the heavens,

where you and I scratch the surface
and it smells like rain, it smells like
soap that doesn't clean the soul or

tighten the heart in the window of
truth, see the problem, see into the
future where beer isn't a murky mix.

-Sheri Grutz


My Business Card

I am now an Avon Representative! I've been quite business-minded lately, and I want to take that attitude to the next level by selling Avon products. I will be in touch with my local rep to find out more, but what I want to do in selling this is go by specific season. For instance, I would like to focus on Christmas by selling all lipstick. Winter, moisturizer. Early spring, hand lotion. Summer, Skin so Soft insect repellent. So, I would want to stock up on my products and then try to sell them.

In Jan.-Mar. of next year I will take Health and Healing classes to be certified in this field, online classes cost out of pocket about $300. Into early spring and through summer, I will be doing grant writing classes, online classes cost out of pocket about $300. In the fall, I'm thinking about doing the personal training certification online classes cost out of pocket about $900(I'm not totally sure I will do this, but likely I will). So, by this time next year, my business card will read: Avon Representative, Health and Healing Expert, Grant Writer, Personal Trainer, Creative Writer, Blogger. I will be doing all of these things as my own businesses, working independently and doing it all on my own. I will also be doing odd jobs to stay afloat, especially temp jobs, until I can start making money at my businesses.